I envy the girls that have love songs written about them. How is it possible for a person to be that in love with another person. I want someone to love me like that. Someone to get inspired by how much they love me. Someone that loves me so much it seems impossible to put it into words…. But they try anyway. I want that.

fitbekz:

the fact I’ve spent such a huge portion of my life worrying about what I eat and afraid of “getting fat” is honestly repulsive

Seems like it’s a pattern with me. Or is I should say. It’s a vicious circle. A extremely painful difficult happy sad angry and everything in between cycle. It’s a roller coaster. I enjoy it sometimes but sometimes I get motion sick and can’t take it anymore. And maybe now we’re both sick of the roller coaster. Roller coasters aren’t appealing anymore. Maybe they never were but it seemed there was no other choice. It’s sad when you can’t figure out what went wrong and when. In the beginning we had smiles that never went away. Couldn’t be apart. Could never let each other go to sleep upset. Couldn’t even leave a room without saying I love you and getting a kiss. The little things. Now it’s just misery and it has been for years but we just can’t seem to quit. It’s sad because he used to make me so happy. He used to make me feel safe. He was always there to talk to. Now it’s the complete opposite. He gets mad at me when I’m upset. Tells me to just stop…. Or says nothing and rolls his eyes. He makes me feel uneasy all the time but I feel worse when he’s away. Like I’m so used to being hurt that I don’t want it to stop. Because I’d rather feel this than nothing. I’ve felt that and it was like I was on autopilot. I didn’t think before I did things…. I just was on self destruct mode. I don’t know how to fix this or if it’s even fixable…. I just want to feel okay again.

lunablivion:

Can anyone else not wait until Fall so they can return to dressing in clothes that they actually like?